Friday, October 06, 2006

I just want to sleep!

I haven't been sleeping well. It's a side effect of the Celexa and it sucks big-time. Lunesta is expensive and doesn't always do the job. I don't know what I'm going to do. A person has to sleep. I'd rather suffer from insomnia than weight gain, which is sad, but I really do not do well without adequate sleep. Why is it that with an a/d, you really have to choose the lesser of evils? It's not an easy fix.
I had an emotional day today. I get angry really easily when I'm not sleeping. I start to dislike the human race. I don't enjoy that feeling, but when it comes it overtakes me. I can bite my tongue, but the thoughts still rage. I also get kind of self-pitying. Poor me that my clients can be so irritating, poor me that I feel like the black sheep of the family, poor me that I'm lonely, poor me that I feel isolated, poor me that I suffer from depression and have to be back on meds and dealing with the side effects. Poor me. Then my friend confided to me that her mom just got diagnosed with cancer. Which caused immense guilt for the pity party I'd been having inside my head. So I blasted Patty Griffins Poor Man's House. It helped, but I still feel icky.
Anyway, sleep would be nice. Emotions can be so draining. Especially when you're sober.

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