Well, the time has come. Today I am hustling to get everything done, and tomorrow we embark on our move to Montana. My emotions have been all over the place the last few days. I've been excited, scared, sad, overwhelmed- sometimes all of these at once. It feels like I'm saying goodbye to an era of my life, and in a way,I am. So much has happened here, both good and bad, and I've relived all of it these last couple of weeks. Overall, I am just really happy to leave it all behind and start new. But I've shed some tears over it, too. The other day I was driving to my cousins house to say goodbye, and a song came on the radio that I remember listening to at the Christian school I went to. This reminded me of my classmate who was murdered, and I definitely shed some tears over that. I'm hyper-emotional right now, which is strange for me, as I'm used to being more in my head. But I think it's good. To release the past, you really have to be aware of what it is you are releasing.
Anyway, after tomorrow, I am unsure as to when I will have internet again. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm O.K, and hopefully next time I post, I will be settled in my new home in Montana.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Florence, Paintings in Paris~ I'm no fighter, but I'm fighting
O.K, the move is a week and a half away, and I'm so excited I can barely stand it! One of the towns we are considering is named Florence. Isn't that exotic and bohemian sounding?
Saying a few goodbyes before we leave, and a bit more packing. I've been lazy about the packing lately because it's tiring to see people. And everyone has a list of questions. I don't like being forcibly made to share personal tidbits. It's not pretty. Or rather, it IS at times, but still tiring. People are tiring.
One of the questions I've been asked over and over is "do you have roots there"? Um....no, actually NOT. That's the whole point, you see? But people think this is the act of a "naive young person". Um...actually, I've done this my whole life, and it can be done, multiple times, in fact, and be just fine.
I'm just fine. I'm thinking of the new beginning, and I feel inspired to work harder, have more courage, and rise to my full potential. If that seems naive, then I guess I'll take my chances.
I wonder if people knew that it's been over a year now since I've had a drink, would they see a little more in me. I am definitely not naive. I've looked into the darkest parts of some things, to the point of needing medication at times. My brain is so over-reactive, I can guarantee just about every possible disaster has occured to me at some point or another. So, no worries there, folks. I'm diving in anyway. I release the past and all my hang-up's about it. I leave this place in peace now.
That's the long and short of it anyway. I certainly go back and forth to different extremes. That's the stress of the situation. Excitement is akin to anxiety for me, and I come down as fast as I go up. But that's just life. I'll go down fighting, that's all I know. It's the one truth I know.
Saying a few goodbyes before we leave, and a bit more packing. I've been lazy about the packing lately because it's tiring to see people. And everyone has a list of questions. I don't like being forcibly made to share personal tidbits. It's not pretty. Or rather, it IS at times, but still tiring. People are tiring.
One of the questions I've been asked over and over is "do you have roots there"? Um....no, actually NOT. That's the whole point, you see? But people think this is the act of a "naive young person". Um...actually, I've done this my whole life, and it can be done, multiple times, in fact, and be just fine.
I'm just fine. I'm thinking of the new beginning, and I feel inspired to work harder, have more courage, and rise to my full potential. If that seems naive, then I guess I'll take my chances.
I wonder if people knew that it's been over a year now since I've had a drink, would they see a little more in me. I am definitely not naive. I've looked into the darkest parts of some things, to the point of needing medication at times. My brain is so over-reactive, I can guarantee just about every possible disaster has occured to me at some point or another. So, no worries there, folks. I'm diving in anyway. I release the past and all my hang-up's about it. I leave this place in peace now.
That's the long and short of it anyway. I certainly go back and forth to different extremes. That's the stress of the situation. Excitement is akin to anxiety for me, and I come down as fast as I go up. But that's just life. I'll go down fighting, that's all I know. It's the one truth I know.
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