Spiritual Musings

I'm studying Buddhism again. I stopped at one time when I felt too guilty about it because of how I was raised. But it always really resonated in me ever since I was a child and lived in Japan and was first exposed to it. But I didn't think I could be a Buddhist and a Christian at the same time. This really troubled and confused me for a long time. There are places that hint in the Bible that it isn't possible. But, actually, Buddhism isn't really a religion, in the sense that Christianity is. There are no deities worshipped in Buddhism. It is more of a philosophy than a religion. Some people think that the Buddha is worshipped, and that the statues and artwork of him are idols. But really, the Buddha was just a man who shared his experiance and wisdom with us like a prophet, but not of any certain deity. And people have the replicas to remember and acknowledge his teachings, not to worship. So, therefore, I do believe that you can be both Christian and Buddhist.

I really think with the complexity of earth and all the beings on it that are made up so intricately, it's ridiculous to think that religion and spirituality would be such a black and white thing. Why would there be all this wisdom and all these experiances/perspectives of others at our disposal if we are not to make use of it all? Why would there be such universal truths, if they were all just supposed to be ignored and seen as evil for absolutely no reason other than fear? I was raised not to look outside of the 4 walls of 1 religion. But I think God is a whole lot more open-minded than that. And he wants us to be too. I don't believe for a minute that he doesn't want us to explore teachings that are meant to bring ourselves and others peace. I am done thinking of him as this judgmental, brow-beating patriarch on a throne somewhere moving us around like chess pieces on a board. So many things didn't ring true to me as a child, and they sure as hell don't ring true now.

Like sin. The whole concept of sin. If Christ really died to wash all our sins away, why do we punish and abuse ourselves, and judge and condemn others? Why do we spend our time doing this when we have an unknown amount of time to make as much out of life as we can? Well, I'm done. I'm done blaming myself, I'm done blaming others, and I'm done backtracking over things again and again, hoping to find a bit of sense in it. Some things will never make sense to me, and it's not my job to figure out why things happened the way they did, and why people acted the way they acted. I can only focus on today, on my next step, and the next word out of my mouth. I can't stay focused on the present if I am still in the past. So, I let it go. I will not feel guilty another day for who I am.