1. Having to go back on meds.
2. Having my meds stop working.
3. Knowing I could raise the dose, but will have yuck side effects.
4. My doctor looking at me like she doesn't know what to do with me except raise the dose or put me on a new med. Going on about "trusting that I'm not in danger" and that "I know you have a lot of insight". If I truly know more than every health professional I see, THEY NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I'm the patient. I need HELP. Help me!
5. Being scheduled for a follow up appt after said incident, even though nothing was accomplished. Sure, they'll take my $ again. And then they'll throw up their hands, have me make another appt, and send me home to do my own research.
6. The new manager at work who is apparently incapable of giving a compliment without giving criticism promply after.
7. Feeling like no matter how hard I try, doing extra work, performing better than everyone else, coming in on my day off, staying late- it's never enough. I can strive for perfection every waking moment but there will always be something to pick apart.
8. Being an alcoholic, therefore not being able to have a glass of wine to just stop this blinding rage I feel sometimes.
9. Birthday cards that mean well, but just end up making me cry, relive the past, wishing I could forgive and forget- but I just can't seem to.
10. Cramping every day lately from my IUD. I spend almost a grand on the thing and I don't want to part with it. I will probably put up with the pain because I am that determined not to reproduce. And pills make me nuts. But what the eff? Seriously. My first one came out and then I can't even enjoy the 2nd? It's getting to the point that I am almost getting a sick pleasure out of the pain.
11. Missoula. Need I say more? I guess it was for the best, but now Alex is out of work with possible nerve damage due to working so hard for so long. For what, you ask? The dream of moving to Montana. I can be all zen and accepting of it some days, but other days I seriously can't believe the crappiness of it all.
So pissed off right now.
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4 comments:
Hey, dearie-
I'm glad you had bitch-fest. It sounds like you needed it. :) I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. You know I'm with you when it comes to being angry about alcoholism. (Did you know that this is the first time I've seen you describe yourself as an alcoholic?) I know drinking would make my panic attacks go away...but obviously I can't give into that. And I'm really sorry your doctors suck. I'm starting to think mine do too. We should both become therapists or psychiatrists. lol...
Love you so much. xoxo
We totally should!
I'm feeling a bit better as far as the depression goes. It seems to come in waves.
Like I said before, I'm really sorry about your panic attacks. What meds have you tried?
I didn't get a refill on my klonopin prescription. I will say, though, that as far as benzo's go, I found it the least benzo-like. Meaning, I got no rush or euphoria or even drowsiness from it. Unlike valium, which makes me feel fantastic.
But I'm trying not to go there anyway. Probably not a good idea...
recent studies suggest that phds are becoming way to easy to acquire...this could explain the idiocy of your doctors.
sorry things are lame lately. i'm glad that i'll have a chance to see you soon tho. we'll have to make it a good week
Yeah, we will. I am hoping the manager gives me the final OK soon. She seems to enjoy lording it over us, so who knows.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by. ♥
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