Well, I guess I'll do an update. Not too much is happening. My job isn't particularly challenging or meaningful, but it is fairly stress free, which I admit, after the Montana experience, I really need. I just feel bruised inside and anti-social. But a part of me has really wanted to connect with my friends. After all, I did think I wasn't going to see these people again. I should take advantage of the way it turned out. I only really have 2 now. Cory moved away and I haven't been able to get in touch with her. I hope she's OK wherever she is. The other 2 girls are both mothers and the parenting thing is really intense for me to be around. There seems to be a fair amount of stress and anxiety that go with parenthood and I don't know how to talk to people going through that because I don't understand it. Nor do I want to, honestly.
So many girls are getting pregnant around me who are my age or, more often, younger than I am. It's pretty surreal actually. A girl at work told us she was pregnant yesterday and I almost fell out of my chair. Then she was talking about quitting smoking for the pregnancy, and the other girls that have had babies were telling her how they smoked when they were pregnant and "their kids turned out fine". I was a bit horrified by this. I can't believe these people weren't willing to give up smoking for 9 months. It's carbon monoxide, people. Your kids might seem O.K, but do you you really know for sure? With the rise in mental health illnesses and autism why are you willing to chance it? I don't understand the completely carefree way women these days plunge into parenthood.
I get so tired of the kids question. Why is so hard to believe I choose to be child free and will likely continue? I am deadly serious about the responsibility, and I'm not going to fly by the seat of my pants about it. I can't do it. But I still have to watch other people who do and it sucks. A part of me feels such a freedom, though.
I have no idea where I'm going with this except to say that my life lately has been mostly this. Nothing too dramatic, just the usually mundane annoyances. I am just glad that the worst of it is behind me. I'm not sure what stage I am in of breaking away from the shock of the whole ordeal (i.e the move and stuff after), but I'll keep you posted.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
well you know, if you don't have the desire to take on the responsibility of motherhood, than screw everyone else. sometimes doors open in time and then sometimes there are doors that some people are just not meant to open and i think you are being more level headed than most people.
it is pretty horrifying to think of people that refuse to give up drinking and smoking while they're pregnant at the risk of hurting their child. the rise in mental illness truly is terrifying and i think people should be more cautious during pregnancy and watch what they feed their kids in the first place. the amount of hormones and preservatives in our food is scary to think about. i am defintely not the beacon of health, but i can't deny that all of this seems to be having an effect on our culture.
on a similar note, have you been following the stories about the NIU shooter? all of it is very interesting, albeit, kind of scary to think about.
anyways, can't wait to see you next month. idk when exactly ur leaving but i know that spring break starts 3 weeks from friday for me, so it's close. it should be a pretty cool week.
i know this is a longer comment than anyone should leave on a blog, but we haven't talked in a while. i miss you and can't wait to see you next month.
I totally hear you on the kids thing. I've been babysitting for a woman whose kids are absolutely adorable, but she can't go anywhere without organizing a babysitter, plus she doesn't want to hang out with other mothers because their time goes to settling down the fights the kids are having over the attention of the adults, and it's really draining for her. She told me: "I love it that you are single! I am so happy to have a single friend". To her, apparently "no kids" = single. Last time I checked my marital license, that's not what it said...
When I'm babysitting, she also asks if I could clean up their toys and empty the dishwasher because when the husband comes home from work, "he doesn't want to deal with that stuff--well, he doesn't clean up after them during the weekend, either". THEY ARE HIS KIDS, TOO! I don't understand this "the dad is only babysitting"-mentality, really.
I am definitely not in the place in my life where I would want to risk my mental well-being for having children. Some people would call that being selfish, I would call it being responsible. I mean, if you are a mother and you are absolutely burned out and growing resentful day by day, that isn't the best scenario for the children's well-being, either, you know? If I am going to have children, I want to make sure that they will have a healthy mom. Kind of like how in airplanes you have to put the oxygen mask onto yourself before you can take care of others... the same kind of responsibility :)
In addition, regarding not having children among a bunch of families: I have gotten the weirdest treatment from some people here. They think that just because I do not have children of my own, I'm free to do their every bidding (idiom might be wrong). One person even told me that I should volunteer to do this one job because she doesn't want to harass the stay-at-home mothers in the community about it. Surely I, as a childless person, have all the free time in the world. I told her, lady, I have 3 jobs plus I am writing a thesis, and I'm looking to be full-time employed soon, so no--I do not have "all the time in the world". It really pissed me off! These other women have their children at school during the day time so it's not like they're up to their elbows in diapers 24/7! Ugh.
Ok, that was a bit tangential, ranty and didn't relate too much to your post, but... I understand your feelings.
Josh- I get there on the 15th-this Saturday! I am determined to be very zen and care-free. Family drama will not be able to penetrate. hehe
Jenni- Thanks for the post. Wow, you're brave for babysitting. I did it a couple times and it's usually fairly dysfunctional.
Your letter is done and ready to go in the mail. :)
Post a Comment