Well, I have a job at a nearby restaurant and am due to start mid May. I gave my notice today at work, and felt a surge of relief that the date I will be exiting this job and moving to another is now determined and decided on paper, and thus I don't have to be agonizing over these particular variables any longer. That part is done. I'm feeling a little better. I always feel less anxious when things become more linear. Change doesn't scare me, but transitions do, if that makes any sense. I'm an impatient control freak. I want change, but I want to go quickly from point A to point B. I don't like that squirmy, anxious feeling of being in between.
As for the whole (rather narcissistic) angst about the future, my purpose, a career, kids, etc. etc- I'm only 28! Lots of people at my age don't have this kind of stuff figured out yet. Right? I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself to live up to this ideal I have in my head of what a human being should be. Who says that in order to be successful as a person you either have to have a great career or be a parent? Who made these laws and why am I holding myself to them? And yes, I do have trouble being around people, but I truly feel that this isn't anything to feel shame over- social anxiety is a real thing, and at least I have a few deep relationships and have continued to hold a job. These are not things that people with my issues are always able to accomplish. There have been times I have honestly considered going on disability because my depression/anxiety has gotten so bad. But I kept fighting. And I'm going to keep fighting. I'm not a failure just because I have doubts and fears and some things come harder to me than they do the average person. And I don't have to have my life planned to the letter.
Anyway, so I guess I won't be flinging myself off any cliffs anytime soon. ;) I'm starting to feel a little excited again. It's just.....some days I'm more scared than excited, and that's O.K.
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So I spent the past 15 minutes or so reading some of your blogs on here since you sent me that e-mail invite and let me just say I feel bad because I know nothing about your life. I know nothing about your transition to being a vegetarian, I knew nothing about the Montana thing being back on the table, and I did not know you were getting done with grooming. I know nothing about your life anymore and it makes me kind of sad. I wish that we could have the kind of relationship where we knew things about one another, but for some reason we never seem to be able to have that. Even though I am sure we both want to...I don't know where it comes from or why it happens...but I never really know what to say in a conversation with you.
I am typing up a storm and I don't think I am really communicated what I am really trying to say...but maybe you get the idea
e-mail me sometime I guess...I love you Sabrina and I often think about you and how you are doing. It is hard to believe you and Luke have been married 8 years....
sorry for this downer of a comment...miss you!!
It's not a downer. I suck at keeping in touch, I know. I think communication for us comes harder than we wish, but it's not too late to change that.
I did post a link to this blog in my myspace a couple months ago, but guess you didn't see it. I only recently changed it to invite only, that's why I dropped you the e-mail. Glad you stopped by. :)
Great to hear that you are leaving that toxic work place! Good luck with the new job. :)
You know what? Just the other night I was having dinner with colleagues, and one of them (closing in on 50 I think) said "You know, when you are like 25 you look up at people my age and think, gosh, they really have it all made and have a stable life--but I do not!" She had asked an old colleague of hers who is around my age whether that girl ever looked up to her thinking "wow, an adult who has figured life out, with kids and all" and the girl admitted to it. My colleague told her that well, I doubt anyone is ever "ready" or complete. She is totally in a transition stage of her life--even if she does have those kids (she doesn't even know in which country to settle down right now). I felt both relieved and frightened to hear that. I don't think we should follow the common rules of what is accepted or respectful for a person to become in order to call oneself succesful in life. We should only strive for it if it applies to our own world view.
I hope the outside stress forces ease up on you. I know the feeling...
Yeah, I'm sure you do. It's nice to know I'm not alone. ♥
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